With ‘Time to Talk Day’ on 6th February it seems wholly appropriate to post this eloquent post from Jeff Farnes. We are all aware now that our Metal Health is as important as our physical health, but we know talking about mental health can feel awkward, but it doesn't have to, just be prepared to start the conversation.
It seems a long time since racing season finished last year, it should have ended with a 10k in December in Telford, but sickness and a general demise, forced me to drop out of that, so it was back in October when I ran my last 10k race of the year, I felt fat , lethargic and not on good form, but got a PB that day through grit and determination, and not wanting to let my friend down, as we were running in memory of her Husband.
It was around this time, despite the result I took a dive in confidence, and interest in everything, life started to feel like I was wading through treacle, and running and being outside started to feel a chore instead of the things I loved. We ploughed on into November, and as for many veterans this month is very hard, as it brings many parts of your past life into focus, but as Chairman of the local British Legion there is no escape, a lot is expected of you and a lot is given, in those moments of struggle when you need quiet reflection, you need to be on point, there are poppies to sell, parades to organise and participate in, it takes over, and your own welfare and needs are on the back burner.
I was asked by my church to do a video message for Remembrance Sunday as I wouldn’t be with them that day, so I duly obliged, and I said things in there, I had barely said to myself let alone others, with that the genie was well and truly out of the bottle, and the black dog that had been following me for weeks, was snapping at my heals. I sat in the car one day and said to my wife, “I am struggling”, a release point had been made, it is ok to talk, we don’t like to, and we don’t like to admit weakness, but with those 3 words, the worm started to turn, people asked me if I was ok, and I said no but I was getting there, I was able to talk a little more.
The thing through it all is, though you can see what you can do to help others, encourage talking, take part in sport, go outdoors, soak up nature, seek professional help if needed, when you are in the moment and the depression is sucking you in, you don’t do any of those things, I ate badly, missed runs, was irritable, didn’t sleep properly, and dragged myself further under. The things to celebrate laid out in front of you, beautiful wife and kids, a new house we were settling into, great friends, I had to focus on these things and look forward, pull myself out of the sinking sand, and remember what made me tick.
I am back on it, and winter training is going well, work and life are going well, I am still tired and we can all get irritable, but try and find the positives, and keep the black dog in his cage. As black sheep we signed up to be different, to stand out from the crowd and to help others, we follow Karl’s lead in remembrance of Lloydy his brother and my friend. We need to encourage others to believe in our ethos, stick out a helping hand and leave no man or woman behind. We are different, but not bullet proof, remember brothers and sisters that in all that we do we must look after ourselves as well.
The first rule of First Aid is to check for danger, further danger to the casualty and further danger to ourselves, that is true of life as well, make sure you protect yourselves whilst helping others, hold tight to those you love, and talk it through. We are getting through winter, and focus is now on Manchester Marathon, where there are a number of us “sheep” running, pre races include Warwick half and Gloucester 20, once the Marathon has gone, hopefully we can all meet at the Blacksheep events. We are a family, a movement for good, empower each other and grow the flock.
